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81. What if
Monday, May 19, 2014

What if you suddenly don't really know about what you wanted to do and who you wanted to be when you used to be so certain about it?

I am not ready for the future. Is this really the way to go? Do I really want this? I have never ever doubted embracing the days that come by. I always loved the new day just because I know I get to breathe for one more day. But I never thought that I could feel so much emptiness as the day turns to night. I am clueless. What do I do now and how to get back the adrenaline rush I used to have about life?

Or is it because of the constant late nights I have that brought me to this stage? The constant unnecessary thoughts about things and especially about people that I analyze far too deeply unknowingly that makes me feel utterly pathetic. It drains me. How is it possible that I feel a mixture of emotions all at one go? How do I lift it all off my chest feel what I should at the right time? It has been a hell of a roller coaster ride with my feelings this week and I do not know what to do with it.

How do I have so much excitement one moment only to feel extremely low the next?

Damn, I need some fucking ice cream.

See you strangers.

80. #wherearewe2k14
Saturday, May 10, 2014

Hello, sick people!

Can you believe it has been a year since I updated this dusty old blog?

I went on a trip last week with a few of the best people I have ever met in my life. As cliché as that sounds, it's true. I was so lost before the trip because it felt like life was too stagnant as school finally ended after 3 years. I actually had no idea what else to do with my time. Even though I had so much time in my hands, it also felt like I had none. I was afraid that as days went passed that I might end up losing my youth, losing my excitement, losing everything I worked hard to build about myself.

I am thankful this trip happened for me though. For 5 days, I shared a beautiful terrace down one of the many lanes in Bangsar, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia with 7 equally beautiful human beings. For 5 days, I recollected everything I was afraid of never finding again. I wanted to be able to withhold 100% life in me and they gave me that. I wanted to experience things I never thought I could have until I went on this trip with them. They were so full of joy, these bunch of kids. There were echoes and echoes of laughters around me, non-stop if I may add. These people had so much happiness being released out of their system; I was feeding off everyone's happy radar. The best people bring out the best in you. They did that. They always do.

They are major enthusiasts. We played a game called #wherearewe2k14 with our friends back at home. They wanted so badly to convince everyone that we were somewhere far. 'Europe', they said. 'Or is it', they asked. We followed a specific clock, a timing from London. They insisted we followed it just to push our limits; just to the extend of wanting to fool people. At 4pm, KL time, we would remind each other that we were allowed to post morning photos on our Instagram, just to tell people that we really are in Europe and that it's actually 9am. At night we would do the same. Of course this was all a lie. But this was our graduation trip, this was our fun and nothing was going to stand in our way.

I never thought that I could sleep in a terrace with a mind-blowing interior design and wake up in it. It felt like a dream. It was a dream. I had a great roommate and every morning, we'd wake up at 10am and knocked on the other rooms to wake the rest up. If we're lucky, their doors would be open, and we'd annoy the boys by jumping on their bed. Even though my roommate and I were the first to wake up, we'd always be the last to get ready. The first thing we'd do is head up to the rooftop, which is by far my favorite place in the whole world, something I never imagined I would be able to do for 5 days straight. Then, we'd have a photo shoot around the house to get a perfect shot. That lasts for a while.

These 7 people provided me with unforgettable memories. I never thought I could be so close to them. We ate like pigs in KL, we had conniving cab drivers, some shopping disappointments, some shopping enlightenments but it was all about the company and the terrace in this trip. We grocery shopped the first night and stole the supermarket's trolley. We ate delicious waffles, ice cream and massive burgers. We were amazed by the tokens we had to use to get in to the monorails. We had candlelight dinner on the rooftop. We walked more than 1km just because there was a traffic jam and getting home would take hours. On the last night, we cooked for ourselves in our private kitchen and had a restaurant dinner in our own dining room. We even played a card game in our private little pool using pots and pans. And had to run more than 1km with all our luggages in 15 minutes to catch our coach bus back to Singapore or we would have missed it because no taxis were around for us to take.

The trip was an experience I will never forget. Thank you. Thank you Anza, Jaslyn, Novy, Peggy, Siu Yen, Hans and Asri for a trip I wil forever hold in my heart.

Thanks for reading. If you don't have me on Facebook, the remaining pictures I (and Siu Yen) took with my DSLR are under "Read More". Until next time.

See you strangers.

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Nidia Marissa Donyada
Design Student, 21

This space will let you immerse in a part my world;
An avid gig goer who sadly spends an immense amount of time on Twitter having peculiar dreams. My mind is filled with overflowing thoughts and questions.

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I was younger

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