Tuesday, December 8, 2015
And when I said that 2015 would end in a blink of an eye, I was right. I remember 2014 like it was just yesterday. I remember everything I wrote in my previous write-up and the previous one as well. I have honestly lost touch of myself, of many things about myself. I do not do the things that I used to do. I do not feel the things that I used to feel. I do not yearn for the things I used to want. I do not listen to what my heart desires. And most of this is a good thing but some of these things saddens me. I guess that's okay. Though, I still head out feeling one thing the same as last time for sure; that I am uncertain of where I will end up being at and that will forever scare me.
For quite some time, the idea of death has been haunting me. The fire in my head goes round in circles, like a loop, like a wheel of kaleidoscope. And who knows, maybe my circle caught fire and it came crashing down and everything at the back of my head crumbles. Then I crumble and I can't crumble, it's not possible for me to crumble, I am so not allowed to crumble but my head does it anyway and my mind does. And I'm tired. And I'm frustrated. And my tolerance is low. And my patience is weary. There's always going to be that resistance in me that I can't quite fathom, that I don't understand. I am too afraid of many things. I am still in a cage that I cannot escape. I'm still in ice I cannot break. My body is there but my mind is not. And I fear. I just continue to fear. And I do not know what I fear. I really don't know. I just...fear.
I struggle. I struggle at being the best for myself. I struggle to understand my ability to be destined for greatness. I used to struggle to push forward and I kept living in the past and sleep in the past and remember the past. But now I forget the past like how I forget what day it is. Now, I push forward until I am uncertain of where to go because I'm in a fuckin' maze. I go in and I don't go out. And I'm back to square one; I'm still in the struggle.
Despite my load of bullshit, I went through 2015 with moments I know I will cherish. I know there will be moments I remember that I don't wish to remember and only do when I'm in the shower with the water running unaware I have finished cleaning up myself. I know the people who I thought were worth it actually don't make me feel good inside at all. I know I do not love these people as much as I used to and that if I ever left, I have no regrets. But this year, I found out things about myself that I didn't before, I tried new things I never knew I had in me to try, let alone have the opportunity to do, I found out which people are worth keeping and which aren't worth my damn time anymore. The best part is I found someone worth fighting for and I love him more than my heart can take. So he just might be the only one I am certain of.
At the end of every year, of every chapter I go through, or every time I get inspired to write something new, or old, or new and old, there will always be never-ending unanswered questions.
I mean, most of the time whatever life offers is good anyway even if some of it aren't the best. That's okay right? The uncertainty I feel is okay right? I guess everything will always end up alright. It's always going to be alright.
See you when we're inside 2016.
For quite some time, the idea of death has been haunting me. The fire in my head goes round in circles, like a loop, like a wheel of kaleidoscope. And who knows, maybe my circle caught fire and it came crashing down and everything at the back of my head crumbles. Then I crumble and I can't crumble, it's not possible for me to crumble, I am so not allowed to crumble but my head does it anyway and my mind does. And I'm tired. And I'm frustrated. And my tolerance is low. And my patience is weary. There's always going to be that resistance in me that I can't quite fathom, that I don't understand. I am too afraid of many things. I am still in a cage that I cannot escape. I'm still in ice I cannot break. My body is there but my mind is not. And I fear. I just continue to fear. And I do not know what I fear. I really don't know. I just...fear.
I struggle. I struggle at being the best for myself. I struggle to understand my ability to be destined for greatness. I used to struggle to push forward and I kept living in the past and sleep in the past and remember the past. But now I forget the past like how I forget what day it is. Now, I push forward until I am uncertain of where to go because I'm in a fuckin' maze. I go in and I don't go out. And I'm back to square one; I'm still in the struggle.
Despite my load of bullshit, I went through 2015 with moments I know I will cherish. I know there will be moments I remember that I don't wish to remember and only do when I'm in the shower with the water running unaware I have finished cleaning up myself. I know the people who I thought were worth it actually don't make me feel good inside at all. I know I do not love these people as much as I used to and that if I ever left, I have no regrets. But this year, I found out things about myself that I didn't before, I tried new things I never knew I had in me to try, let alone have the opportunity to do, I found out which people are worth keeping and which aren't worth my damn time anymore. The best part is I found someone worth fighting for and I love him more than my heart can take. So he just might be the only one I am certain of.
At the end of every year, of every chapter I go through, or every time I get inspired to write something new, or old, or new and old, there will always be never-ending unanswered questions.
I mean, most of the time whatever life offers is good anyway even if some of it aren't the best. That's okay right? The uncertainty I feel is okay right? I guess everything will always end up alright. It's always going to be alright.
See you when we're inside 2016.
Wednesday, December 31, 2014
It is very surreal to be posting here again after 6 months and to have it fly by so quickly is a very scary thought because it felt like yesterday that I was writing about my circle. Before I know it, 2015 will come to an end in a blink of an eye and I do not want to be in my current position and that is what I fear the most. In the past 6 months, I vaguely remember anything. I don't remember anything. I never thought I would have to read about my circle again only to realise that I am still stubbornly in that state of discomfort, of terror, of unhappiness, of unwillingness to break out of my cave. I knew It was possible to feel a tinge of happiness but it was always temporary so there are so many things I would do just to feel absolutely divine again. I was so inspired, I was so excited to live life with no fear, with no sadness, with crazy adrenaline rush but it all disappeared rapidly. Too rapid. But I still want it, I crave for it but I don't know where to begin. So where did all that time go? What did I do within that time that I promised myself to do? Where was that extra push in me that I had? What happened to first times? What is this misery I keep falling back to? And how do I get out of it?
I couldn't take not being able to feel what I wanted to feel because of the fact that I keep questioning everything I felt, whether I was allowed to feel that way, whether it was right to feel that way and in the end because of those voices in my head, I felt helpless and even then, I'd question it. Is it okay to feel so low, so undeniably pathetic? Is that normal? And I had never been able to talk to people about it because it never seemed like the right time to do so, it never seemed interesting enough, it never seemed like I could even explain anything. The explanation was empty, the explanation is never there when I needed it to be, therefore there was no explanation. It was all in my head, all in my head, all in my head. So I never speak of it. I let things pass only to come back to it; a full circle that haunts me, that destroys me and I still, still desperately, so desperately want and need to get out of it, to rupture the pattern that I had set for myself. I no longer wanted this.
Remember when I said that we're a generation of shy and introvert people no matter how much of an extrovert we can be? At least in the past 6 months, I know one thing's for sure is that I've met people of various characters, of different determinations and will in them and I had always envied the amount of passion and drive they had in them. I love meeting new people and I want to continue discovering them; new faces and familiar faces that I'd like to get to know, that I always knew but never had a decent conversation with. I wish I had the courage to go up to someone I wanted to figure out and talk to them, but somehow, in this fast-paced world, it becomes tremendously difficult. Honestly, I've always hated people in general, yet I am so fascinated with them; with their stories, their vision, their mentality, their views and opinions. I wanted to be in the world they are in, to feel all the emotions they are feeling, to see their perspectives of things just so that I could broaden my own. I wanted to embrace them as human beings, as a person who is so different from me yet so peculiarly similar. I wondered what it'd be like to be in someone else's mind, just to know what they're feeling, just to know what goes on in their head at 2am in the morning, at 3am, at 4am, wide awake, unable to fall asleep. So I wish there was someone I could talk to, I really wish it was easier to get to know someone but it's not, because I know if someone were to ever want to get to know me, I'd pull away.
I guess I'm still finding my answers, or rather I'll always continue to find answers. The wheel I've built will always be there with that same exact pattern that constantly needs to be ruptured and I hope one day, I get to rebuild it. This year was nothing special, it was bland but I had my fair share of fun and excitement. My circle has made it's full 360 degree turn and I'm back to square one. I still don't know what I want, who I am, where I'm going in the future. I've lived 20 years and I'm still lost and clueless. But despite being lost in my own world having to try and find myself, to find out who I really am, at least I was aware that I had to do this, at least this year taught me something; that I needed to continue searching myself. The end of 2014 is still dark but I still like the darkness for the same reason, that no matter how insane I felt, there was still sanity. There is still sanity in me. There is still sanity.
I want this new year to be better, to be a year I take charge of, a year I take better care and control of. I just want to be better. I just want to feel more. I just want to feel better.
So long, see you tomorrow, in 2015, strangers.
Thanks for 2014.
I couldn't take not being able to feel what I wanted to feel because of the fact that I keep questioning everything I felt, whether I was allowed to feel that way, whether it was right to feel that way and in the end because of those voices in my head, I felt helpless and even then, I'd question it. Is it okay to feel so low, so undeniably pathetic? Is that normal? And I had never been able to talk to people about it because it never seemed like the right time to do so, it never seemed interesting enough, it never seemed like I could even explain anything. The explanation was empty, the explanation is never there when I needed it to be, therefore there was no explanation. It was all in my head, all in my head, all in my head. So I never speak of it. I let things pass only to come back to it; a full circle that haunts me, that destroys me and I still, still desperately, so desperately want and need to get out of it, to rupture the pattern that I had set for myself. I no longer wanted this.
Remember when I said that we're a generation of shy and introvert people no matter how much of an extrovert we can be? At least in the past 6 months, I know one thing's for sure is that I've met people of various characters, of different determinations and will in them and I had always envied the amount of passion and drive they had in them. I love meeting new people and I want to continue discovering them; new faces and familiar faces that I'd like to get to know, that I always knew but never had a decent conversation with. I wish I had the courage to go up to someone I wanted to figure out and talk to them, but somehow, in this fast-paced world, it becomes tremendously difficult. Honestly, I've always hated people in general, yet I am so fascinated with them; with their stories, their vision, their mentality, their views and opinions. I wanted to be in the world they are in, to feel all the emotions they are feeling, to see their perspectives of things just so that I could broaden my own. I wanted to embrace them as human beings, as a person who is so different from me yet so peculiarly similar. I wondered what it'd be like to be in someone else's mind, just to know what they're feeling, just to know what goes on in their head at 2am in the morning, at 3am, at 4am, wide awake, unable to fall asleep. So I wish there was someone I could talk to, I really wish it was easier to get to know someone but it's not, because I know if someone were to ever want to get to know me, I'd pull away.
I guess I'm still finding my answers, or rather I'll always continue to find answers. The wheel I've built will always be there with that same exact pattern that constantly needs to be ruptured and I hope one day, I get to rebuild it. This year was nothing special, it was bland but I had my fair share of fun and excitement. My circle has made it's full 360 degree turn and I'm back to square one. I still don't know what I want, who I am, where I'm going in the future. I've lived 20 years and I'm still lost and clueless. But despite being lost in my own world having to try and find myself, to find out who I really am, at least I was aware that I had to do this, at least this year taught me something; that I needed to continue searching myself. The end of 2014 is still dark but I still like the darkness for the same reason, that no matter how insane I felt, there was still sanity. There is still sanity in me. There is still sanity.
I want this new year to be better, to be a year I take charge of, a year I take better care and control of. I just want to be better. I just want to feel more. I just want to feel better.
So long, see you tomorrow, in 2015, strangers.
Thanks for 2014.
Sunday, June 29, 2014
For days since my last write-up, I have wanted to live up to what I said; about being alive, about being open minded and unafraid of any obstacles I face but so many things kept holding me back, so many things kept refraining me to do things I wanted to and to feel things I wanted to. Then, doesn't this reasoning defeat the purpose of my entire explanation of owning my own life because I wanted to be fearless yet I still pull back? And if these things I wanted to do were choices I could make, choices I could actually pick, why couldn't I just go forth with whatever I felt would make me feel accomplished? I never know.
I have been riding a roller coaster; there are times I feel ecstatic but I have been feeling my absolute lowest the past few weeks, or maybe months. I guess I just started to feel down more often than usual because of the constant disappointment I kept getting from things and people I wish never gave to me in the first place and sometimes, it's not even their fault because they're not even aware of it. Shame really because I know this is not who I am, I know that this is not the person I liked being; someone who has negativity towards others especially to someone special. But, every hurdle I had to go through affected me and the feeling worsened as the days flew by. When the sun is up, I feel normal but when the clock strikes 12 at night, my entire mind goes haywire, like my whole world starts collapsing, like my past and my present are poking through me as though haunting me. I was in a cave I couldn't escape. The last time this madness happened was years ago and I told myself never to go back to this exact point of my life. But here I am. If I could show you a graph of the way I feel these days, it would look sharp.
At night, I could never think with my glasses on because my vision is crystal clear and that was a clash to my clouded thoughts. So as I take off my glasses, my vision is a blur which coincides with my messy train of thoughts and that felt better but in all was still uncertain and unclear. Then, I closed my eyes and in obvious truth, I don't see anything; it's pitch black and all I was doing was grasping all my emotions in, grasping every single thing that I was feeling but in my head, I can see everything I'm feeling perfectly laid out, in which I know that with my eyes open, I cannot see what I feel. Until now, I can never put in to words the spectacle I see when my eyes are shut but I like the darkness because no matter how insane I felt, there was still sanity.
People say that you should surround yourself with a happy environment and with people you love so as to make you feel lighter and good and I do...but no matter how much being around my friends is usually my comfort zone, I still felt that tinged of loneliness. People say that if you talk it out, you feel better and I do...but momentarily, then it all starts accumulating once again and the cycle repeats. I dislike this cycle and desperately wanted to break it and everyday I would try to defeat the anger, the frustration and the sadness I was trapped in but I couldn't. I guess they say that it takes time to heal but it's not about the time at all, it's what I do within that time.
Basically, the main reason I'm writing this is because the past two days, I am slowly getting back the pieces I lost. I felt like myself again although it felt like a different kind of happiness. I would put the blame on the new jeans I bought.....well, who am I kidding, my new jeans contributed to my joy. When I'm with people I love or people in general, I try my best to give out positive energy because they deserve it, they deserve to feel blissful. My sadness should never interfere with anyone around me because I know that it isn't fair. Sometimes I do wish some people would feed off my positive energy back at me, just so I could feel it too, just so it could make me feel worthy. Because I honestly wish I knew how to feed that positive energy to myself.
Today was a different story, I did have people who gave me good vibes, who gave me energy I needed, energy I was craving for and I am deeply thankful for their presence and for being a part of my life. Remember when I quoted "I love first times. I want my whole life to be composed of them. Life is only interesting if life is wide."? Everything about today came in to place perfectly, everything was an experience, everything felt new; like I was reborn, like I was at the starting point again, like my battery was fully recharged waiting to be drained out again. I met new people and the music was mind-blowing and I could laugh again and I could dance again and I could feel the swelling of my heart slowly disappearing. There were tears of absolute joy trickling down my face. I actually had endless stories I could tell. And you know what? I did it, something magical I thought I would never do; sliding down in between the gaps of two escalators. I saw my friends do it and I straight away knew I had to because I always wanted to. If I had held back, I knew I would regret it because it was something simple. But oh man, that adrenaline rush of excitement traveled quickly through the veins of my body and it felt reckless and free like nothing could stop me from doing anything I wanted to. Suddenly, the cave got bigger which meant my life felt wider.
I realize that I don't have to solely rupture the pattern of my own circle, others can help me, either for the bad but mostly for the good. Somehow I know that this happiness I feel may be temporary....
But I feel divine.
See you strangers.
I have been riding a roller coaster; there are times I feel ecstatic but I have been feeling my absolute lowest the past few weeks, or maybe months. I guess I just started to feel down more often than usual because of the constant disappointment I kept getting from things and people I wish never gave to me in the first place and sometimes, it's not even their fault because they're not even aware of it. Shame really because I know this is not who I am, I know that this is not the person I liked being; someone who has negativity towards others especially to someone special. But, every hurdle I had to go through affected me and the feeling worsened as the days flew by. When the sun is up, I feel normal but when the clock strikes 12 at night, my entire mind goes haywire, like my whole world starts collapsing, like my past and my present are poking through me as though haunting me. I was in a cave I couldn't escape. The last time this madness happened was years ago and I told myself never to go back to this exact point of my life. But here I am. If I could show you a graph of the way I feel these days, it would look sharp.
At night, I could never think with my glasses on because my vision is crystal clear and that was a clash to my clouded thoughts. So as I take off my glasses, my vision is a blur which coincides with my messy train of thoughts and that felt better but in all was still uncertain and unclear. Then, I closed my eyes and in obvious truth, I don't see anything; it's pitch black and all I was doing was grasping all my emotions in, grasping every single thing that I was feeling but in my head, I can see everything I'm feeling perfectly laid out, in which I know that with my eyes open, I cannot see what I feel. Until now, I can never put in to words the spectacle I see when my eyes are shut but I like the darkness because no matter how insane I felt, there was still sanity.
People say that you should surround yourself with a happy environment and with people you love so as to make you feel lighter and good and I do...but no matter how much being around my friends is usually my comfort zone, I still felt that tinged of loneliness. People say that if you talk it out, you feel better and I do...but momentarily, then it all starts accumulating once again and the cycle repeats. I dislike this cycle and desperately wanted to break it and everyday I would try to defeat the anger, the frustration and the sadness I was trapped in but I couldn't. I guess they say that it takes time to heal but it's not about the time at all, it's what I do within that time.
Basically, the main reason I'm writing this is because the past two days, I am slowly getting back the pieces I lost. I felt like myself again although it felt like a different kind of happiness. I would put the blame on the new jeans I bought.....well, who am I kidding, my new jeans contributed to my joy. When I'm with people I love or people in general, I try my best to give out positive energy because they deserve it, they deserve to feel blissful. My sadness should never interfere with anyone around me because I know that it isn't fair. Sometimes I do wish some people would feed off my positive energy back at me, just so I could feel it too, just so it could make me feel worthy. Because I honestly wish I knew how to feed that positive energy to myself.
Today was a different story, I did have people who gave me good vibes, who gave me energy I needed, energy I was craving for and I am deeply thankful for their presence and for being a part of my life. Remember when I quoted "I love first times. I want my whole life to be composed of them. Life is only interesting if life is wide."? Everything about today came in to place perfectly, everything was an experience, everything felt new; like I was reborn, like I was at the starting point again, like my battery was fully recharged waiting to be drained out again. I met new people and the music was mind-blowing and I could laugh again and I could dance again and I could feel the swelling of my heart slowly disappearing. There were tears of absolute joy trickling down my face. I actually had endless stories I could tell. And you know what? I did it, something magical I thought I would never do; sliding down in between the gaps of two escalators. I saw my friends do it and I straight away knew I had to because I always wanted to. If I had held back, I knew I would regret it because it was something simple. But oh man, that adrenaline rush of excitement traveled quickly through the veins of my body and it felt reckless and free like nothing could stop me from doing anything I wanted to. Suddenly, the cave got bigger which meant my life felt wider.
I realize that I don't have to solely rupture the pattern of my own circle, others can help me, either for the bad but mostly for the good. Somehow I know that this happiness I feel may be temporary....
But I feel divine.
See you strangers.
Friday, June 6, 2014
Often I find myself lost in this massive world after I have graduated. I couldn't understand the concept of having to immediately work, of having to find something productive to do. For days I had no drive, I was clueless and the future was a blurry mess. I did not know who I was, I had no thought of what there is I could be. I was stuck in my room, in my mind, a cave; spilling thoughts and questions I had no answers to. I had something in me that wanted to escape, that wanted to be free that I didn't know what nor how to unleash.
I have always thought I was open minded, someone who could understand various things, someone who wouldn't judge as much as the people around me would; or rather this particular society. Somehow, I still needed a kick; a kick out of self-prison, of so much trap that I was feeling that I never had a chance to crack. I wanted to be free, I wanted to explore, I wanted to have experience, I wanted to live. I know that I can go for it, but there was always something pulling me back, like a knot tied around my waist to a tree refraining me from moving forward even if I tried to run as fast as I could. Either that, or I was just purely lazy. I desperately wanted to find meaning in something; anything at all.
Rarely have I found something that I could be so emotionally attached to, not because I couldn't but because I don't want to and I never liked having to feel that. I have friends who traveled or they smoked up and finally found what they were looking for. For me, I recently watched a movie that changed my entire view on life and on people in general and especially on this new age and this generation that I currently live in and also in myself...in which I believe many people will find immensely stupid. Your life changed because of a movie? But really. Sometimes I discover a song or a movie or a good read and all I want to do is to talk and talk and talk about it and go on and on and on about all my rapid thoughts about it not once, not twice but constantly just because I had to, because there is so much to say about it but sadly, never have I been able to find one person to do it with. Actually, I did. She listened and I was thankful to have gotten what I wanted to say out of my system, even if it was momentarily. I hope what I said and still have to say will be of your interest; any of you reading.
I was having a perfectly normal Sunday and by normal I meant things were stagnant as usual. I suddenly became instantly inspired by almost everything I had watched in Kill Your Darlings. I found this fascination with the way of life from the minds of everyone that first started the Beat Generation. Yeats were part of their likings. This idea; the circle of life and how with every death comes rebirth. "Life is round, that we're stuck on this wheel of living and dying. An endless circle until someone breaks it. You walked in here. You ruptured the pattern. Bang. The whole world gets wider." How were they able to be so reckless and not think about the consequences afterwards? I wished I had that; to do what I wanted to do and not think whether I would succeed or fail. But I realised that was a way for them to make a name out of themselves; even a simple vicious mistake came the birth of Beat, and would that birth meant something if not for that simple mistake? They had a story, and more stories afterwards they were able to share, that they could share, that they wrote, that they documented. I have been reading some of their books and the words they used flowed perfectly, it all made sense, it all created a scenic image in my head and I understood it all perfectly. They hopped around, they hitched, they had $50 in hand for months to survive wandering around the country and survived they did. Happily. $50 now would mean food for 2 days. Times has changed, for good and bad. Though what was so different about the 1940s/1950s and now; the 21st century? What was it that put a red light to freedom?
I went out of the house the next day and found my eyes wide open, constantly batting my eyes and observing the movement of the crowd, the expressions of everybody around me, of the fast paced environment I was walking through while listening to a song that coincided with the situation perfectly. All this while I hadn't noticed that everyone seemed to have something to do, some place to be, someone to meet, someone to talk to. Then I sat in the train on my way to a certain area in town I had always gone to to pass time. Normally my mind would linger as I find a seat to sit on the train and I let my mind wander off itself. On my train journey this time, it was different. I was wide awake, alive. I was observant and kept noticing the smallest things and I couldn't help but acknowledge that one thing that made everything, the whole world good but also tremendously wrong. Technology.
We focused on machines, on technology because we believed that it would make the world a better place. Things were meant to be simpler, it was supposed to get easier and on most side of it, it certainly has. In the film, Beat broke in to the library and they almost got caught but never did. With technology now, they would have gotten caught. Hell, I would slide down the gap between the escalators if I could if there hadn't been a camera pointing towards me, all plastered at every corner. Something fun could be something frowned upon. Pity. The only thing technology has hindered the most is communication between human beings. Real communication. Talk. Spoken words. And physical contact gets lesser and lesser. I guess everyone seemingly likes to say it's a small world, that we are all connected via mutual friends but it's only a small world because social media isn't a trouble to access. We know each other. I know you and you know me but it takes so much to get to know somebody. Don't you get it? We're a generation of shy and introvert people no matter how much of an extrovert we are. In this time of age, we are generally afraid of walking up to converse with someone new, someone who looks interesting enough to talk to, someone who could potentially excite your life, anyone really.
I came to conclusion, there is nothing special about this generation. Every decade, it seemed there was always a spark, something worth remembering, be it in literature, in music and especially in fashion. What about the 2000s? My friend said, "Will people really listen to Lady Gaga in 50 years time like how people still listen to the legendary The Beatles?" It may not be a fair comparison but you get the point. Many people have reminded me, "If we are all different, aren't we the same? If so, how do we put a mark on this world that everyone will remember?" Who will do it this time? Who is this generation's genius? How can I be one? How can you be one?
But I learnt to embrace what I have now. I may yearn to live in the past when there was minimal technology but what I have now in the present is beautiful as it is. The lifestyle I have consists of music and drinking tea and catching up with good 'ol friends; always up for a good time. Now is good. It's really good.
They said "I love first times. I want my whole life to be composed of them. Life is only interesting if life is wide." Beginnings. Constant beginnings. New experience after new experience after new ones. Be open, wide open, your mind, your heart, everything even with the restrictions you keep pondering upon. There is still so much to learn because there is always something to learn about. I don't want to be afraid. I don't want to hide. I want to be there; in the moment. I want to live. Because I have options. I have a choice. This circle of life; it's mine. I can rupture the pattern and my world will get wider; and then the cycle is new. This is my wheel. This is my circle.
I think I finally found my answers.
See you strangers.
I have always thought I was open minded, someone who could understand various things, someone who wouldn't judge as much as the people around me would; or rather this particular society. Somehow, I still needed a kick; a kick out of self-prison, of so much trap that I was feeling that I never had a chance to crack. I wanted to be free, I wanted to explore, I wanted to have experience, I wanted to live. I know that I can go for it, but there was always something pulling me back, like a knot tied around my waist to a tree refraining me from moving forward even if I tried to run as fast as I could. Either that, or I was just purely lazy. I desperately wanted to find meaning in something; anything at all.
Rarely have I found something that I could be so emotionally attached to, not because I couldn't but because I don't want to and I never liked having to feel that. I have friends who traveled or they smoked up and finally found what they were looking for. For me, I recently watched a movie that changed my entire view on life and on people in general and especially on this new age and this generation that I currently live in and also in myself...in which I believe many people will find immensely stupid. Your life changed because of a movie? But really. Sometimes I discover a song or a movie or a good read and all I want to do is to talk and talk and talk about it and go on and on and on about all my rapid thoughts about it not once, not twice but constantly just because I had to, because there is so much to say about it but sadly, never have I been able to find one person to do it with. Actually, I did. She listened and I was thankful to have gotten what I wanted to say out of my system, even if it was momentarily. I hope what I said and still have to say will be of your interest; any of you reading.
I was having a perfectly normal Sunday and by normal I meant things were stagnant as usual. I suddenly became instantly inspired by almost everything I had watched in Kill Your Darlings. I found this fascination with the way of life from the minds of everyone that first started the Beat Generation. Yeats were part of their likings. This idea; the circle of life and how with every death comes rebirth. "Life is round, that we're stuck on this wheel of living and dying. An endless circle until someone breaks it. You walked in here. You ruptured the pattern. Bang. The whole world gets wider." How were they able to be so reckless and not think about the consequences afterwards? I wished I had that; to do what I wanted to do and not think whether I would succeed or fail. But I realised that was a way for them to make a name out of themselves; even a simple vicious mistake came the birth of Beat, and would that birth meant something if not for that simple mistake? They had a story, and more stories afterwards they were able to share, that they could share, that they wrote, that they documented. I have been reading some of their books and the words they used flowed perfectly, it all made sense, it all created a scenic image in my head and I understood it all perfectly. They hopped around, they hitched, they had $50 in hand for months to survive wandering around the country and survived they did. Happily. $50 now would mean food for 2 days. Times has changed, for good and bad. Though what was so different about the 1940s/1950s and now; the 21st century? What was it that put a red light to freedom?
I went out of the house the next day and found my eyes wide open, constantly batting my eyes and observing the movement of the crowd, the expressions of everybody around me, of the fast paced environment I was walking through while listening to a song that coincided with the situation perfectly. All this while I hadn't noticed that everyone seemed to have something to do, some place to be, someone to meet, someone to talk to. Then I sat in the train on my way to a certain area in town I had always gone to to pass time. Normally my mind would linger as I find a seat to sit on the train and I let my mind wander off itself. On my train journey this time, it was different. I was wide awake, alive. I was observant and kept noticing the smallest things and I couldn't help but acknowledge that one thing that made everything, the whole world good but also tremendously wrong. Technology.
We focused on machines, on technology because we believed that it would make the world a better place. Things were meant to be simpler, it was supposed to get easier and on most side of it, it certainly has. In the film, Beat broke in to the library and they almost got caught but never did. With technology now, they would have gotten caught. Hell, I would slide down the gap between the escalators if I could if there hadn't been a camera pointing towards me, all plastered at every corner. Something fun could be something frowned upon. Pity. The only thing technology has hindered the most is communication between human beings. Real communication. Talk. Spoken words. And physical contact gets lesser and lesser. I guess everyone seemingly likes to say it's a small world, that we are all connected via mutual friends but it's only a small world because social media isn't a trouble to access. We know each other. I know you and you know me but it takes so much to get to know somebody. Don't you get it? We're a generation of shy and introvert people no matter how much of an extrovert we are. In this time of age, we are generally afraid of walking up to converse with someone new, someone who looks interesting enough to talk to, someone who could potentially excite your life, anyone really.
I came to conclusion, there is nothing special about this generation. Every decade, it seemed there was always a spark, something worth remembering, be it in literature, in music and especially in fashion. What about the 2000s? My friend said, "Will people really listen to Lady Gaga in 50 years time like how people still listen to the legendary The Beatles?" It may not be a fair comparison but you get the point. Many people have reminded me, "If we are all different, aren't we the same? If so, how do we put a mark on this world that everyone will remember?" Who will do it this time? Who is this generation's genius? How can I be one? How can you be one?
But I learnt to embrace what I have now. I may yearn to live in the past when there was minimal technology but what I have now in the present is beautiful as it is. The lifestyle I have consists of music and drinking tea and catching up with good 'ol friends; always up for a good time. Now is good. It's really good.
They said "I love first times. I want my whole life to be composed of them. Life is only interesting if life is wide." Beginnings. Constant beginnings. New experience after new experience after new ones. Be open, wide open, your mind, your heart, everything even with the restrictions you keep pondering upon. There is still so much to learn because there is always something to learn about. I don't want to be afraid. I don't want to hide. I want to be there; in the moment. I want to live. Because I have options. I have a choice. This circle of life; it's mine. I can rupture the pattern and my world will get wider; and then the cycle is new. This is my wheel. This is my circle.
I think I finally found my answers.
See you strangers.
Monday, May 19, 2014
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What if you suddenly don't really know about what you wanted to do and who you wanted to be when you used to be so certain about it?
I am not ready for the future. Is this really the way to go? Do I really want this? I have never ever doubted embracing the days that come by. I always loved the new day just because I know I get to breathe for one more day. But I never thought that I could feel so much emptiness as the day turns to night. I am clueless. What do I do now and how to get back the adrenaline rush I used to have about life?
Or is it because of the constant late nights I have that brought me to this stage? The constant unnecessary thoughts about things and especially about people that I analyze far too deeply unknowingly that makes me feel utterly pathetic. It drains me. How is it possible that I feel a mixture of emotions all at one go? How do I lift it all off my chest feel what I should at the right time? It has been a hell of a roller coaster ride with my feelings this week and I do not know what to do with it.
How do I have so much excitement one moment only to feel extremely low the next?
Damn, I need some fucking ice cream.
See you strangers.
Saturday, May 10, 2014
Hello, sick people!
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Can you believe it has been a year since I updated this dusty old blog?
I went on a trip last week with a few of the best people I have ever met in my life. As cliché as that sounds, it's true. I was so lost before the trip because it felt like life was too stagnant as school finally ended after 3 years. I actually had no idea what else to do with my time. Even though I had so much time in my hands, it also felt like I had none. I was afraid that as days went passed that I might end up losing my youth, losing my excitement, losing everything I worked hard to build about myself.
I am thankful this trip happened for me though. For 5 days, I shared a beautiful terrace down one of the many lanes in Bangsar, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia with 7 equally beautiful human beings. For 5 days, I recollected everything I was afraid of never finding again. I wanted to be able to withhold 100% life in me and they gave me that. I wanted to experience things I never thought I could have until I went on this trip with them. They were so full of joy, these bunch of kids. There were echoes and echoes of laughters around me, non-stop if I may add. These people had so much happiness being released out of their system; I was feeding off everyone's happy radar. The best people bring out the best in you. They did that. They always do.
They are major enthusiasts. We played a game called #wherearewe2k14 with our friends back at home. They wanted so badly to convince everyone that we were somewhere far. 'Europe', they said. 'Or is it', they asked. We followed a specific clock, a timing from London. They insisted we followed it just to push our limits; just to the extend of wanting to fool people. At 4pm, KL time, we would remind each other that we were allowed to post morning photos on our Instagram, just to tell people that we really are in Europe and that it's actually 9am. At night we would do the same. Of course this was all a lie. But this was our graduation trip, this was our fun and nothing was going to stand in our way.
I never thought that I could sleep in a terrace with a mind-blowing interior design and wake up in it. It felt like a dream. It was a dream. I had a great roommate and every morning, we'd wake up at 10am and knocked on the other rooms to wake the rest up. If we're lucky, their doors would be open, and we'd annoy the boys by jumping on their bed. Even though my roommate and I were the first to wake up, we'd always be the last to get ready. The first thing we'd do is head up to the rooftop, which is by far my favorite place in the whole world, something I never imagined I would be able to do for 5 days straight. Then, we'd have a photo shoot around the house to get a perfect shot. That lasts for a while.
These 7 people provided me with unforgettable memories. I never thought I could be so close to them. We ate like pigs in KL, we had conniving cab drivers, some shopping disappointments, some shopping enlightenments but it was all about the company and the terrace in this trip. We grocery shopped the first night and stole the supermarket's trolley. We ate delicious waffles, ice cream and massive burgers. We were amazed by the tokens we had to use to get in to the monorails. We had candlelight dinner on the rooftop. We walked more than 1km just because there was a traffic jam and getting home would take hours. On the last night, we cooked for ourselves in our private kitchen and had a restaurant dinner in our own dining room. We even played a card game in our private little pool using pots and pans. And had to run more than 1km with all our luggages in 15 minutes to catch our coach bus back to Singapore or we would have missed it because no taxis were around for us to take.
The trip was an experience I will never forget. Thank you. Thank you Anza, Jaslyn, Novy, Peggy, Siu Yen, Hans and Asri for a trip I wil forever hold in my heart.
Thanks for reading. If you don't have me on Facebook, the remaining pictures I (and Siu Yen) took with my DSLR are under "Read More". Until next time.
See you strangers.
Read more »
Can you believe it has been a year since I updated this dusty old blog?
I went on a trip last week with a few of the best people I have ever met in my life. As cliché as that sounds, it's true. I was so lost before the trip because it felt like life was too stagnant as school finally ended after 3 years. I actually had no idea what else to do with my time. Even though I had so much time in my hands, it also felt like I had none. I was afraid that as days went passed that I might end up losing my youth, losing my excitement, losing everything I worked hard to build about myself.
I am thankful this trip happened for me though. For 5 days, I shared a beautiful terrace down one of the many lanes in Bangsar, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia with 7 equally beautiful human beings. For 5 days, I recollected everything I was afraid of never finding again. I wanted to be able to withhold 100% life in me and they gave me that. I wanted to experience things I never thought I could have until I went on this trip with them. They were so full of joy, these bunch of kids. There were echoes and echoes of laughters around me, non-stop if I may add. These people had so much happiness being released out of their system; I was feeding off everyone's happy radar. The best people bring out the best in you. They did that. They always do.
They are major enthusiasts. We played a game called #wherearewe2k14 with our friends back at home. They wanted so badly to convince everyone that we were somewhere far. 'Europe', they said. 'Or is it', they asked. We followed a specific clock, a timing from London. They insisted we followed it just to push our limits; just to the extend of wanting to fool people. At 4pm, KL time, we would remind each other that we were allowed to post morning photos on our Instagram, just to tell people that we really are in Europe and that it's actually 9am. At night we would do the same. Of course this was all a lie. But this was our graduation trip, this was our fun and nothing was going to stand in our way.
I never thought that I could sleep in a terrace with a mind-blowing interior design and wake up in it. It felt like a dream. It was a dream. I had a great roommate and every morning, we'd wake up at 10am and knocked on the other rooms to wake the rest up. If we're lucky, their doors would be open, and we'd annoy the boys by jumping on their bed. Even though my roommate and I were the first to wake up, we'd always be the last to get ready. The first thing we'd do is head up to the rooftop, which is by far my favorite place in the whole world, something I never imagined I would be able to do for 5 days straight. Then, we'd have a photo shoot around the house to get a perfect shot. That lasts for a while.
These 7 people provided me with unforgettable memories. I never thought I could be so close to them. We ate like pigs in KL, we had conniving cab drivers, some shopping disappointments, some shopping enlightenments but it was all about the company and the terrace in this trip. We grocery shopped the first night and stole the supermarket's trolley. We ate delicious waffles, ice cream and massive burgers. We were amazed by the tokens we had to use to get in to the monorails. We had candlelight dinner on the rooftop. We walked more than 1km just because there was a traffic jam and getting home would take hours. On the last night, we cooked for ourselves in our private kitchen and had a restaurant dinner in our own dining room. We even played a card game in our private little pool using pots and pans. And had to run more than 1km with all our luggages in 15 minutes to catch our coach bus back to Singapore or we would have missed it because no taxis were around for us to take.
The trip was an experience I will never forget. Thank you. Thank you Anza, Jaslyn, Novy, Peggy, Siu Yen, Hans and Asri for a trip I wil forever hold in my heart.
Thanks for reading. If you don't have me on Facebook, the remaining pictures I (and Siu Yen) took with my DSLR are under "Read More". Until next time.
See you strangers.
Read more »
Friday, July 12, 2013
Hell-oh, sick people!
Happy Ramadan my fellow Muslims!
It has been a long 5 month hiatus and it might still continue as such. I am truly sorry for not updating this space as I know a lot of you want me to post more. So here is an update of what has happened over the last few months.
The last time I posted was on my birthday and I was still in Year 2 and struggling to handle IP (Integrated Project). Honestly, I suffered a lot from it and began second guessing my work and wondering whether design was really for me. I started searching for answers and wanting to get myself back on track instead of lingering in a place in my heart where I started loathing design. I was quiet and I was lost in my own thoughts and didn't feel like myself. I had nothing to say to people and had nothing to share. I loved being alone and I loved immersing myself in my own thoughts.
I truly love design school. After camp, I realised how much I love my school and how much I love the people in it, well, most at least. Last year when my beloved batch of seniors left, I felt a bit of emptiness when I entered a fresh new school year. This year, I felt that same emptiness but this time around, I also realised that I am now a Year 3 student and it is my turn to shine. How time flies, doesn't it? I am 19 and I am a Year 3 student studying Visual Communication and I am going to graduate in about 10 months time. That seriously scares the shit out of me. Where am I going to be in the next 5 years? What do I WANT to do? Where do I envision myself at? I question myself these things everyday. School has been dreadful and a chore. A chore. Finding an SIP spot made me second guess my abilities as a designer, whether I can do it, whether it is made for me. Is my work good enough? Aren't people better than me? I shrug it off. Eventually, I found an answer and that's why I keep fighting, that's why I'm still happily taking the bus to school to attend classes. Doesn't mean I don't dread it though, hah! And for SIP (which is internship), here's my portfolio of my work if anyone is interested: http://cargocollective.com/nm-d
Many things have happened and 2013 is moving quickly. I spend my time going to gigs as usual, spending time with my friends and family and having quality time on my bed and my pillows. I have lacked behind in my drive in exercising but I will get back there soon, hopefully. It was always about balance. I always needed time off other than school. For the past 5 months, I had my beloved beautiful friends plan a surprise party for me in March to have a belated birthday celebration. I was beyond touch and I am happy to have these few people in my life. I don't need many friends, I just need these few to stay and be there for me. Grimes was gorgeous and I still can't believe she guestlisted me to her gig. It was a fabulous night with fabulous music and fabulous friends dancing our sorrows away. Bloc Party was fantastic and 8 years was worth the wait. The crowd was massive and insane and it was another satisfied gig that I went to. I also traveled to Bangkok for the first time and spent too much money on clothes but it was worth it. Jatujak was my favorite. I made sure I made my visit to Bangkok worthwhile because I really do love traveling. I also went to Jakarta and as much as I loathe their traffic, their food is the best. This Will Destroy You was great and catching The Drums for the second time was mind-blowing.
But what had stuck with me for the past 4 to 5 months was watching Running Man. Can you believe it? I was in a huge Korean phase and managed to get my whole family in it too. Actually, that happened a few years back when we all watched K-Drama. But anyway, I realised how to embrace all kinds of culture and music. I love the Koreans and how polite and how much respect they have for their elders. After watching RM, Jaesuk has the kindest heart and I respect him so much, I don't think I have respected anyone as much as I respect him. I also never liked Pop music or K-Pop or anything that wasn't related to indie music. Not that I looked down on it, I just never knew how to like or appreciate that kind of music. But after this phase, I figured out how lame and stupid that was. I love Pop and I love all kinds of music that makes my ear have an orgasm. I learnt how to like Justin Bieber and learnt how to appreciate G-Dragon. G-Dragon guys. Gee Dreh Gun. I finally learnt how to accept all kinds of music and even culture. It was about time. I learnt not to judge too fast and began embracing everything and everyone. I learnt to understand things better. Next stop: Korea. Even my whole family wants to go there.
I lived in my little bubble for a while during my Running Man phase. It was a great distraction from the real world and from what I had been struggling with in school, about life, about design. Like I said above, it was also a phase of liking being alone. I stopped talking and I stopped speaking. I kept quiet for once and I started to hear the voices of people instead of having to be outspoken. I liked to hear people talk, I liked listening, I liked listening carefully, I liked to feel what people felt and go through the process of what it would be like to be them. For once, I could listen and be them, instead of having to listen to myself and build who I am. Even though people kept questioning me and kept asking my about my sudden silence. I guess I never knew what to say, what there was to say, what there was to share and whether there was anything interesting that could come out of my mouth. Maybe that's why I never updated this place. Maybe that's why I started drifting away. I just didn't have things to share. There was nothing that interesting that I felt should even be shared.
I am in a different phase now. Lol. I started reading a series of 3 books that I became emotionally attached to. It's no wonder I rarely read books or rarely watch things that I know I will become obsessed or emotionally attached to. It quite annoys me because I became attached to things that either don't exist, are fictional or something I can't get quite close to in real life. I don't like that feeling of loving something so much, you think about it day and night because of how perfect something can be. Well, this is just me. I scare myself sometimes.
I hope this all made up for my 5 months of absence. I don't know when will be the next time I update but here are things coming up in my schedule: Hari Raya, Internship, FYP (Final Year Project), The XX and many more gigs and lepak days to come. That is all. I love you. Thanks for reading, everyone. Until next time x
If you have any questions: http://ask.fm/drnmd
Also, I'm active on Instagram: http://instagram.com/drnmd
See you strangers.
Happy Ramadan my fellow Muslims!
It has been a long 5 month hiatus and it might still continue as such. I am truly sorry for not updating this space as I know a lot of you want me to post more. So here is an update of what has happened over the last few months.
The last time I posted was on my birthday and I was still in Year 2 and struggling to handle IP (Integrated Project). Honestly, I suffered a lot from it and began second guessing my work and wondering whether design was really for me. I started searching for answers and wanting to get myself back on track instead of lingering in a place in my heart where I started loathing design. I was quiet and I was lost in my own thoughts and didn't feel like myself. I had nothing to say to people and had nothing to share. I loved being alone and I loved immersing myself in my own thoughts.
I truly love design school. After camp, I realised how much I love my school and how much I love the people in it, well, most at least. Last year when my beloved batch of seniors left, I felt a bit of emptiness when I entered a fresh new school year. This year, I felt that same emptiness but this time around, I also realised that I am now a Year 3 student and it is my turn to shine. How time flies, doesn't it? I am 19 and I am a Year 3 student studying Visual Communication and I am going to graduate in about 10 months time. That seriously scares the shit out of me. Where am I going to be in the next 5 years? What do I WANT to do? Where do I envision myself at? I question myself these things everyday. School has been dreadful and a chore. A chore. Finding an SIP spot made me second guess my abilities as a designer, whether I can do it, whether it is made for me. Is my work good enough? Aren't people better than me? I shrug it off. Eventually, I found an answer and that's why I keep fighting, that's why I'm still happily taking the bus to school to attend classes. Doesn't mean I don't dread it though, hah! And for SIP (which is internship), here's my portfolio of my work if anyone is interested: http://cargocollective.com/nm-d
Many things have happened and 2013 is moving quickly. I spend my time going to gigs as usual, spending time with my friends and family and having quality time on my bed and my pillows. I have lacked behind in my drive in exercising but I will get back there soon, hopefully. It was always about balance. I always needed time off other than school. For the past 5 months, I had my beloved beautiful friends plan a surprise party for me in March to have a belated birthday celebration. I was beyond touch and I am happy to have these few people in my life. I don't need many friends, I just need these few to stay and be there for me. Grimes was gorgeous and I still can't believe she guestlisted me to her gig. It was a fabulous night with fabulous music and fabulous friends dancing our sorrows away. Bloc Party was fantastic and 8 years was worth the wait. The crowd was massive and insane and it was another satisfied gig that I went to. I also traveled to Bangkok for the first time and spent too much money on clothes but it was worth it. Jatujak was my favorite. I made sure I made my visit to Bangkok worthwhile because I really do love traveling. I also went to Jakarta and as much as I loathe their traffic, their food is the best. This Will Destroy You was great and catching The Drums for the second time was mind-blowing.
But what had stuck with me for the past 4 to 5 months was watching Running Man. Can you believe it? I was in a huge Korean phase and managed to get my whole family in it too. Actually, that happened a few years back when we all watched K-Drama. But anyway, I realised how to embrace all kinds of culture and music. I love the Koreans and how polite and how much respect they have for their elders. After watching RM, Jaesuk has the kindest heart and I respect him so much, I don't think I have respected anyone as much as I respect him. I also never liked Pop music or K-Pop or anything that wasn't related to indie music. Not that I looked down on it, I just never knew how to like or appreciate that kind of music. But after this phase, I figured out how lame and stupid that was. I love Pop and I love all kinds of music that makes my ear have an orgasm. I learnt how to like Justin Bieber and learnt how to appreciate G-Dragon. G-Dragon guys. Gee Dreh Gun. I finally learnt how to accept all kinds of music and even culture. It was about time. I learnt not to judge too fast and began embracing everything and everyone. I learnt to understand things better. Next stop: Korea. Even my whole family wants to go there.
I lived in my little bubble for a while during my Running Man phase. It was a great distraction from the real world and from what I had been struggling with in school, about life, about design. Like I said above, it was also a phase of liking being alone. I stopped talking and I stopped speaking. I kept quiet for once and I started to hear the voices of people instead of having to be outspoken. I liked to hear people talk, I liked listening, I liked listening carefully, I liked to feel what people felt and go through the process of what it would be like to be them. For once, I could listen and be them, instead of having to listen to myself and build who I am. Even though people kept questioning me and kept asking my about my sudden silence. I guess I never knew what to say, what there was to say, what there was to share and whether there was anything interesting that could come out of my mouth. Maybe that's why I never updated this place. Maybe that's why I started drifting away. I just didn't have things to share. There was nothing that interesting that I felt should even be shared.
I am in a different phase now. Lol. I started reading a series of 3 books that I became emotionally attached to. It's no wonder I rarely read books or rarely watch things that I know I will become obsessed or emotionally attached to. It quite annoys me because I became attached to things that either don't exist, are fictional or something I can't get quite close to in real life. I don't like that feeling of loving something so much, you think about it day and night because of how perfect something can be. Well, this is just me. I scare myself sometimes.
I hope this all made up for my 5 months of absence. I don't know when will be the next time I update but here are things coming up in my schedule: Hari Raya, Internship, FYP (Final Year Project), The XX and many more gigs and lepak days to come. That is all. I love you. Thanks for reading, everyone. Until next time x
If you have any questions: http://ask.fm/drnmd
Also, I'm active on Instagram: http://instagram.com/drnmd
See you strangers.
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Hell-oh, sick people!
Goodbye 18, you were beautiful. Being 17 and then being 18 years old were amazing. Those 2 years were the best years of my life. I have never experienced so much joy and love until after going through those 2 years. So many things happened in my life especially meeting so many bands and taking photos and meeting plain perfect people, it just all felt amazing. I hope now that I have just turned 19 years old, that it could just be as breathtaking as the past 2 years.
Honestly, the thought of turning 19 never occurred to me only until a week ago. This year, I never had the intention of wanting my birthday to come, so I never looked forward to it because birthdays are just like any other days. My day didn't start out good at all but the wishes from all of you were unbelievable and I thank all of you for them.
I am truly blessed to have the people I have in my life right now. Also, thank you to my Programmers for surprising me with a birthday cake. I never expected it especially because we had a normal meeting today. I was in utter shock when everyone started singing the birthday song to me. It really brought me to tears and I am so touched. Just, thank you!
Thank you so much for today.
See you strangers.
Goodbye 18, you were beautiful. Being 17 and then being 18 years old were amazing. Those 2 years were the best years of my life. I have never experienced so much joy and love until after going through those 2 years. So many things happened in my life especially meeting so many bands and taking photos and meeting plain perfect people, it just all felt amazing. I hope now that I have just turned 19 years old, that it could just be as breathtaking as the past 2 years.
Honestly, the thought of turning 19 never occurred to me only until a week ago. This year, I never had the intention of wanting my birthday to come, so I never looked forward to it because birthdays are just like any other days. My day didn't start out good at all but the wishes from all of you were unbelievable and I thank all of you for them.
I am truly blessed to have the people I have in my life right now. Also, thank you to my Programmers for surprising me with a birthday cake. I never expected it especially because we had a normal meeting today. I was in utter shock when everyone started singing the birthday song to me. It really brought me to tears and I am so touched. Just, thank you!
Thank you so much for today.
See you strangers.
Sunday, February 3, 2013
Hell-oh, sick people!
Last night was officially the best night of 2013 so far. Great company, great music and great dance moves. It was all amazing and unintentional. I went to Big Night Out with everyone that I love to be with at a gig and it felt so amazing. I love how unintentional it all was to be in a huge group with everyone you love being with. Thanks Soufi, Ayesha, Haqs, Noi, Farah, Farihin, Shameera and Nadia for being there, it was all a huge blast!
I went in with Noi and Haqs and met up with some of their friends near the back of Fort Canning. Then Ayesha joined us and after that Farihin joined. First up was Band Of Horses and they were pretty good, I must say. It got a little boring and too country after a while and I don't know why. But Funeral was amazing, it made me go crazy. Soufi and Farah joined after Band Of Horses.
So by the time it was Vampire Weekend, I was with this bunch that are amazing to be at a gig with. They all just make me feel alive and happy. VW was so so so so so good. Not only are their songs already so upbeat but with that and having to hear it live, it felt perfect to just dance all night long. We had a perfect view (thanks to the slope), and we could see everything and dance, sing our heart out. It was so good to be next to Soufi dancing and singing. That girl gives me energy. Gosh, VW live were mind blowing!!!! There was literally so much space for us to dance because everyone basically stood there. I don't know how they did it.
BREAK TIMEEEE. Still had so much energy in me and so I decided to disturb Nadia and she and Haqs were wondering how I still had so much energy in me, as though dancing crazily to VW was not enough. I also danced with this French lady and her boyfriend and ugh, I'm so bummed I didn't get a chance to talk to them because they seemed so nice and amazed by all of our dance energy hahahahaha. Soooo cute.
When Yeah Yeah Yeahs came on, my heart was pumping, gosh, this was some childhood music my sister introduced to me years ago in Paris. To see them live is like to have my childhood relived. She open with Cheated Hearts, my favorite song by YYYs. It was just all so crazy and dance worthy and sing worthy. Although, their buildup was a bit weird. Gold Lion was so good too. It was one of the most insane shows I've ever been to, same with VW. THEY ALSO PLAYED BLACK TONGUE AND THAT WAS THE BEST SONG LIVE EVERRRR. When they left the stage without playing Maps, I WAS BASICALLY LIKE 'BITCH NO, COME BACK OUT.' So emotional when they did come back out and play Maps that I almost cried with Soufi and Ayesha. AAHHH. Farihin was also a great partner to sing my heart out to hahah! Then it went absolutely insane when YYYs played Date With The Night.
Pure beauty and pure satisfaction. Everything was just perfection and beautiful from the people I spent time with at the gig to the music and the dancing and singing. A night I will remember and a night that I never expected to be THIS amazing. It has fulfilled all my wishes and dreams. Thank you everyone who made tonight perfect.
Pictures under the cut!
Read more »
Last night was officially the best night of 2013 so far. Great company, great music and great dance moves. It was all amazing and unintentional. I went to Big Night Out with everyone that I love to be with at a gig and it felt so amazing. I love how unintentional it all was to be in a huge group with everyone you love being with. Thanks Soufi, Ayesha, Haqs, Noi, Farah, Farihin, Shameera and Nadia for being there, it was all a huge blast!
I went in with Noi and Haqs and met up with some of their friends near the back of Fort Canning. Then Ayesha joined us and after that Farihin joined. First up was Band Of Horses and they were pretty good, I must say. It got a little boring and too country after a while and I don't know why. But Funeral was amazing, it made me go crazy. Soufi and Farah joined after Band Of Horses.
So by the time it was Vampire Weekend, I was with this bunch that are amazing to be at a gig with. They all just make me feel alive and happy. VW was so so so so so good. Not only are their songs already so upbeat but with that and having to hear it live, it felt perfect to just dance all night long. We had a perfect view (thanks to the slope), and we could see everything and dance, sing our heart out. It was so good to be next to Soufi dancing and singing. That girl gives me energy. Gosh, VW live were mind blowing!!!! There was literally so much space for us to dance because everyone basically stood there. I don't know how they did it.
BREAK TIMEEEE. Still had so much energy in me and so I decided to disturb Nadia and she and Haqs were wondering how I still had so much energy in me, as though dancing crazily to VW was not enough. I also danced with this French lady and her boyfriend and ugh, I'm so bummed I didn't get a chance to talk to them because they seemed so nice and amazed by all of our dance energy hahahahaha. Soooo cute.
When Yeah Yeah Yeahs came on, my heart was pumping, gosh, this was some childhood music my sister introduced to me years ago in Paris. To see them live is like to have my childhood relived. She open with Cheated Hearts, my favorite song by YYYs. It was just all so crazy and dance worthy and sing worthy. Although, their buildup was a bit weird. Gold Lion was so good too. It was one of the most insane shows I've ever been to, same with VW. THEY ALSO PLAYED BLACK TONGUE AND THAT WAS THE BEST SONG LIVE EVERRRR. When they left the stage without playing Maps, I WAS BASICALLY LIKE 'BITCH NO, COME BACK OUT.' So emotional when they did come back out and play Maps that I almost cried with Soufi and Ayesha. AAHHH. Farihin was also a great partner to sing my heart out to hahah! Then it went absolutely insane when YYYs played Date With The Night.
Pure beauty and pure satisfaction. Everything was just perfection and beautiful from the people I spent time with at the gig to the music and the dancing and singing. A night I will remember and a night that I never expected to be THIS amazing. It has fulfilled all my wishes and dreams. Thank you everyone who made tonight perfect.
Pictures under the cut!
Read more »
Monday, January 28, 2013
Hell-oh, sick people!
End of block was Friday and Laneway Festival was just the perfect reason to enjoy the end of my two hectic modules! Suffered, endured and done. Thanks to my two lovely people whom I have been spending a lot of my time with, Noi and Haqs and my lovely Soufi and Andi for helping me with my publication! You can view the photos of my publication and the photos I took of them that was used in the publication in another post haha. Too many of them. I've posted some on my Instagram though!
It was a beautiful sunny Saturday and it felt perfect for Laneway Festival. I was beyond excited because I couldn't wait to dance and dance and dance. I met Noi and Haqs at Bayfront MRT and we headed off to The Meadows. Honestly didn't know what to expect for the venue considering Fort Canning had really good slope so for short people like, I could still see from the back. But other than that, it felt more of like a festival and the view was beyond amazing. Also bumped in to a lot of my friends!
First up was Kings of Convenience and they were good. Always loved them for years and finally got to see them live. This is the second time seeing Erlend live though. Next was Poliça and Channy just blew my mind. She was perfect and hot. I danced like crazy during her set and so so so glad they played my favorite song by them, I See My Mother. God, that was mad good. My favorite performance of Laneway.
We went off to grab some drinks at GongCha and chilled before heading back for Of Monsters And Men and gah they were so good but I was way behind and was too sad about it because I couldn't see shit. Thank God Haqs decided to let me sit on his shoulders and carried me. Best view ever and an amazing experience that I've always wanted to go through. I felt like the girls at the Reading+Leeds festival. HAH! I cried during From Finner, so many emotions going through when I heard and saw it live. Also, Mountain Sound. SIGH PIE. Nanna was so pretty with short hair!!! Third favorite set.
Then we went to grab a bite again at 7/11 and drinks from GongCha before heading back for the remaining amazing acts. Kimbra was insanely good and personally loved when she performed Settle Down. Off we squeezed our way through to get in front for Alt-J but before they performed it was Real Estate and they were so fucking chillllllll, I love them. So so so so happy when they ended their set with All The Same and super happy that I recorded it! So lucky to have witnessed my favorite song by them live!
THEN IT WAS ALT-J. ∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆ There was a tall dude in front of me that too tall and who also did Alt-J's triangle sign wrongly which pissed me off greatly. Haha. There were technical issues during Interlude 1 and Tessellate which was such a shame!!!!!! But they fixed it and came out to replay Tessellate. And the rest of the set was mind blowing. Gah, Breezeblocks, Fitzpleasure, Taro. GAH. Dream. This was my second favorite set.
By the time Alt-J ended, my friends and I were too tired to even stand so we just pretty much layed on the grass before squeezing our way through the front for TAME IMPALAAAAA. Our legs were killing us though but I think because of it, we had so much energy, or maybe I did to sing Lilies by Bat For Lashes and started dancing to her. She was so cool. AND WHEN TAME IMPALA CAME ON, WHOAAAAAAAAA. Bliss. Pure bliss, I tell you.
By the end of it, I had a pretty bad sunburn on my face and arms and really bad tan. It was all worth it though. That pretty much concludes my Laneway Festival. I had so much fun with Noi and Haqs that we hung out until 3am at MBS. Such great festival with the best company. Can't wait for Big Night Out this Wednesday with them! Stoked.
Not many picture of Laneway but they're under the cut ya? xxxxxx
Read more »
End of block was Friday and Laneway Festival was just the perfect reason to enjoy the end of my two hectic modules! Suffered, endured and done. Thanks to my two lovely people whom I have been spending a lot of my time with, Noi and Haqs and my lovely Soufi and Andi for helping me with my publication! You can view the photos of my publication and the photos I took of them that was used in the publication in another post haha. Too many of them. I've posted some on my Instagram though!
It was a beautiful sunny Saturday and it felt perfect for Laneway Festival. I was beyond excited because I couldn't wait to dance and dance and dance. I met Noi and Haqs at Bayfront MRT and we headed off to The Meadows. Honestly didn't know what to expect for the venue considering Fort Canning had really good slope so for short people like, I could still see from the back. But other than that, it felt more of like a festival and the view was beyond amazing. Also bumped in to a lot of my friends!
First up was Kings of Convenience and they were good. Always loved them for years and finally got to see them live. This is the second time seeing Erlend live though. Next was Poliça and Channy just blew my mind. She was perfect and hot. I danced like crazy during her set and so so so glad they played my favorite song by them, I See My Mother. God, that was mad good. My favorite performance of Laneway.
We went off to grab some drinks at GongCha and chilled before heading back for Of Monsters And Men and gah they were so good but I was way behind and was too sad about it because I couldn't see shit. Thank God Haqs decided to let me sit on his shoulders and carried me. Best view ever and an amazing experience that I've always wanted to go through. I felt like the girls at the Reading+Leeds festival. HAH! I cried during From Finner, so many emotions going through when I heard and saw it live. Also, Mountain Sound. SIGH PIE. Nanna was so pretty with short hair!!! Third favorite set.
Then we went to grab a bite again at 7/11 and drinks from GongCha before heading back for the remaining amazing acts. Kimbra was insanely good and personally loved when she performed Settle Down. Off we squeezed our way through to get in front for Alt-J but before they performed it was Real Estate and they were so fucking chillllllll, I love them. So so so so happy when they ended their set with All The Same and super happy that I recorded it! So lucky to have witnessed my favorite song by them live!
THEN IT WAS ALT-J. ∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆ There was a tall dude in front of me that too tall and who also did Alt-J's triangle sign wrongly which pissed me off greatly. Haha. There were technical issues during Interlude 1 and Tessellate which was such a shame!!!!!! But they fixed it and came out to replay Tessellate. And the rest of the set was mind blowing. Gah, Breezeblocks, Fitzpleasure, Taro. GAH. Dream. This was my second favorite set.
By the time Alt-J ended, my friends and I were too tired to even stand so we just pretty much layed on the grass before squeezing our way through the front for TAME IMPALAAAAA. Our legs were killing us though but I think because of it, we had so much energy, or maybe I did to sing Lilies by Bat For Lashes and started dancing to her. She was so cool. AND WHEN TAME IMPALA CAME ON, WHOAAAAAAAAA. Bliss. Pure bliss, I tell you.
By the end of it, I had a pretty bad sunburn on my face and arms and really bad tan. It was all worth it though. That pretty much concludes my Laneway Festival. I had so much fun with Noi and Haqs that we hung out until 3am at MBS. Such great festival with the best company. Can't wait for Big Night Out this Wednesday with them! Stoked.
Not many picture of Laneway but they're under the cut ya? xxxxxx
Read more »
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Hell-oh, sick people!
Well, here goes my first post of 2013 and it's none other than about Two Door Cinema Club!
I had an amazing time yesterday. It was beyond amazing actually, so here goes my story and it's a long one.
Basically, I went to the venue at 2pm because I'm crazy. I was waiting for my friends at the concourse only to instantly have Sartain and Oakley, TDCC's guitar techs, walking towards me. It fascinates me until now how they recognized me because of all the Twitter conversations. So I gave them their gifts and to have them love it makes me completely happy. I made them badges and bought some snacks! I also made stickers for their paper bag with their name on it. Haha. We talked a bit and Oakley gave me Sam and Alex's guitar picks. Jaw dropped, yeh. When they went back to backstage, Oakley tweeted a picture of my present and said 'Thank you, @drNMD!' Aw, it was so sweet. And Sartain posted a picture of his penguin sticker I made for his paper bag on Instagram. They were so sweet and cute, sighpie.
My friends and I waited hours but it was worth it. I tweeted to Ben Thompson, TDCC's tour drummer, as well as his girlfriend to come out and say hi and they did! It was so nice of them to make some time to come out to talk to us. They were so lovely and I gave Ben his gift and he got excited when he saw the white rabbit sweets I got him because he said he couldn't find them anymore at the Chinese shop near his house in London. Amazing! I'm glad my sweets paid off. Haha. After they left, the girlfriend tweeted how I picked the best sweets and I was so touched. Such nice people.
We literally went hours sitting and talking and not doing anything and asking whether TDCC were free to meet until it was closer to gig time when Oakley told me that Kev was free and to meet them backstage. So we went, I was fucking stoked and couldn't believe the help I was getting from him and Sartain. Soon after we met Kev and he was red, God knows why, I was sure he was a little tipsy hahahahaha ok. Gave him the band's gift and showed him the vector of them that I did and it was funny to see how much he wanted to have more beard hahah. I talked to him about how Singapore was and he said, 'Oh yeh I haven't really done much actually, we went to the waterpark yesterday and it was....rubbish.' When he said 'rubbish,' he came closer and whispered, it was hilarious! We laughed at that. I can imagine it being boring to be honest. I talked to Sartain a little, took pictures with him and Oakley and thanked them so much. AahhHHHHh.
It wasn't even the end of it. My batt was low and I was lucky enough to get an iPhone charger from this dude who was chill and I love him for having a charger. Managed to charge my phone to 30% before going in. I wanted to give Squib his present but security wouldn't fucking let me, those bitches lol. So kept it until after the gig and it was smashing! Amazing set and it just made me relive 2011 except, this time it was 100% better! They were more mature and their sound was much better, you can tell they're rehearsed and it just felt like a better show. Squib did amazing with his lights, as usual, and his strobe lol. But like he told me, he might not be able to bring the original lights to Singapore and so it sucked a bit that the original lights weren't used here but still great! I remember asking for balloons to Squib on Twitter and he told me maaaaaybe there would be. But, when I looked up before the gig, I saw there were none but when the last song, Eat That Up, It's Good For You, came up, balloons started falling and immediately I thought, 'Thank you so fucking much, Squib.' It was magical. So damn magical okay. And to witness Someday live? Goodness me. The whole crowd was singing along from the beginning to end. It felt like I was at Reading 2012, or at least I'd like to think so.
The best part of it all was when it all ended, I really wanted the setlist and I called out for Sartain like maaaaad. Everyone was shouting for the setlist, it was insane because everyone was taller than me so their hands were longer than mine. He gave one out and then the other, he crushed and looked around the crowd to find me and I screamed like crazy until he saw me. There were a bunch of hands wanting the setlist from him and screaming it out but he managed to grab my hand and give me the setlist. I was so bloody touched. I never thought that would happen but it did. People were so confused. And ahhh, I thanked him after. asdfghjkl;;lkjhgfdsasdfghjklkjhgfds
There was a meet and greet as usual and I knew how it would go: a really fast one but managed to have Sam remember me. I told him how I was sorry for not bringing paella and his face lit and said, 'OH YOU'RE PAELLA GIRL!' So adorable. I love Sam. I asked for a hug and he gave an awkward one and it was hilarious. I love how awkward he is. Alex's nose piercing caught my attention and was so disturbed for a while haha but we talked a little about his new tat. Lol that ginger, aw. So anyway, I got my Beacon album personally signed, yay!
I lingered around and met all my other friends who went to the gig and I talked to Rachel, Sam's girlfriend for a while. She was too adorable, her laugh was so high and cute. When I asked whether she was Rachel, she said, 'Yeah....how do you know that?' but she was so cool about it. We talked about the gig and she said she loved this one and she was just sweet and surprised that people actually knew her. Haha! And anyway, finally had help to get Squib out and gave him ma special present for him haha. He asked if I enjoyed the gig and I thanked him for the balloons and he went alone the lines of, 'No problem but today the balloons went all wrong because they went on stage!' Haha, so cute. And he thanked me for the present and that he loved the badges too and said he was going to put it on his hat. AahhhhHHHH. Okay so I got a picture with the crew lads and Rachel thanks to Haqs! And when I got home, Squib had tweeted one of the badges I made for him that said, 'The Kid'. Aw.
Aaaaaaand that concludes my amazing January 11th of 2013! Can't thank everyone enough. And thanks to Wan Yin, Quraisyah, Jacqueline and Durga for spending the gig with meh! Also it was nice to have Shaiful next to me while we sang out hearts out!
Enjoy the pictures under the cut! You get to see the setlist, the picks and a bunch of other things!
Read more »
Well, here goes my first post of 2013 and it's none other than about Two Door Cinema Club!
I had an amazing time yesterday. It was beyond amazing actually, so here goes my story and it's a long one.
Basically, I went to the venue at 2pm because I'm crazy. I was waiting for my friends at the concourse only to instantly have Sartain and Oakley, TDCC's guitar techs, walking towards me. It fascinates me until now how they recognized me because of all the Twitter conversations. So I gave them their gifts and to have them love it makes me completely happy. I made them badges and bought some snacks! I also made stickers for their paper bag with their name on it. Haha. We talked a bit and Oakley gave me Sam and Alex's guitar picks. Jaw dropped, yeh. When they went back to backstage, Oakley tweeted a picture of my present and said 'Thank you, @drNMD!' Aw, it was so sweet. And Sartain posted a picture of his penguin sticker I made for his paper bag on Instagram. They were so sweet and cute, sighpie.
My friends and I waited hours but it was worth it. I tweeted to Ben Thompson, TDCC's tour drummer, as well as his girlfriend to come out and say hi and they did! It was so nice of them to make some time to come out to talk to us. They were so lovely and I gave Ben his gift and he got excited when he saw the white rabbit sweets I got him because he said he couldn't find them anymore at the Chinese shop near his house in London. Amazing! I'm glad my sweets paid off. Haha. After they left, the girlfriend tweeted how I picked the best sweets and I was so touched. Such nice people.
We literally went hours sitting and talking and not doing anything and asking whether TDCC were free to meet until it was closer to gig time when Oakley told me that Kev was free and to meet them backstage. So we went, I was fucking stoked and couldn't believe the help I was getting from him and Sartain. Soon after we met Kev and he was red, God knows why, I was sure he was a little tipsy hahahahaha ok. Gave him the band's gift and showed him the vector of them that I did and it was funny to see how much he wanted to have more beard hahah. I talked to him about how Singapore was and he said, 'Oh yeh I haven't really done much actually, we went to the waterpark yesterday and it was....rubbish.' When he said 'rubbish,' he came closer and whispered, it was hilarious! We laughed at that. I can imagine it being boring to be honest. I talked to Sartain a little, took pictures with him and Oakley and thanked them so much. AahhHHHHh.
It wasn't even the end of it. My batt was low and I was lucky enough to get an iPhone charger from this dude who was chill and I love him for having a charger. Managed to charge my phone to 30% before going in. I wanted to give Squib his present but security wouldn't fucking let me, those bitches lol. So kept it until after the gig and it was smashing! Amazing set and it just made me relive 2011 except, this time it was 100% better! They were more mature and their sound was much better, you can tell they're rehearsed and it just felt like a better show. Squib did amazing with his lights, as usual, and his strobe lol. But like he told me, he might not be able to bring the original lights to Singapore and so it sucked a bit that the original lights weren't used here but still great! I remember asking for balloons to Squib on Twitter and he told me maaaaaybe there would be. But, when I looked up before the gig, I saw there were none but when the last song, Eat That Up, It's Good For You, came up, balloons started falling and immediately I thought, 'Thank you so fucking much, Squib.' It was magical. So damn magical okay. And to witness Someday live? Goodness me. The whole crowd was singing along from the beginning to end. It felt like I was at Reading 2012, or at least I'd like to think so.
The best part of it all was when it all ended, I really wanted the setlist and I called out for Sartain like maaaaad. Everyone was shouting for the setlist, it was insane because everyone was taller than me so their hands were longer than mine. He gave one out and then the other, he crushed and looked around the crowd to find me and I screamed like crazy until he saw me. There were a bunch of hands wanting the setlist from him and screaming it out but he managed to grab my hand and give me the setlist. I was so bloody touched. I never thought that would happen but it did. People were so confused. And ahhh, I thanked him after. asdfghjkl;;lkjhgfdsasdfghjklkjhgfds
There was a meet and greet as usual and I knew how it would go: a really fast one but managed to have Sam remember me. I told him how I was sorry for not bringing paella and his face lit and said, 'OH YOU'RE PAELLA GIRL!' So adorable. I love Sam. I asked for a hug and he gave an awkward one and it was hilarious. I love how awkward he is. Alex's nose piercing caught my attention and was so disturbed for a while haha but we talked a little about his new tat. Lol that ginger, aw. So anyway, I got my Beacon album personally signed, yay!
I lingered around and met all my other friends who went to the gig and I talked to Rachel, Sam's girlfriend for a while. She was too adorable, her laugh was so high and cute. When I asked whether she was Rachel, she said, 'Yeah....how do you know that?' but she was so cool about it. We talked about the gig and she said she loved this one and she was just sweet and surprised that people actually knew her. Haha! And anyway, finally had help to get Squib out and gave him ma special present for him haha. He asked if I enjoyed the gig and I thanked him for the balloons and he went alone the lines of, 'No problem but today the balloons went all wrong because they went on stage!' Haha, so cute. And he thanked me for the present and that he loved the badges too and said he was going to put it on his hat. AahhhhHHHH. Okay so I got a picture with the crew lads and Rachel thanks to Haqs! And when I got home, Squib had tweeted one of the badges I made for him that said, 'The Kid'. Aw.
Aaaaaaand that concludes my amazing January 11th of 2013! Can't thank everyone enough. And thanks to Wan Yin, Quraisyah, Jacqueline and Durga for spending the gig with meh! Also it was nice to have Shaiful next to me while we sang out hearts out!
Enjoy the pictures under the cut! You get to see the setlist, the picks and a bunch of other things!
Read more »
Monday, December 31, 2012
Hell-oh, sick people!
It has truly been an amazing 2012. And even I thought 2011 couldn't be beaten. I've been through many ups and no downs this year honestly because I think I've been living life properly, the way I would have wanted to. So, I think maybe 2013 will be tougher. Even having that said, there are numerous things I'd like to change about my lifestyle.
I started out the year with beautiful creatures and ending it the same. There are many memories this year that I know I will cherish, that I know I will always remember. I've learnt a lot through the zero drama I had this year is that being happy is important, being appreciative of what you currently have is important and spending the time with your loved ones is important. I've met lovely people along the way this year, from my favorite bands, to avid gig-goers and night aliens online. I've spent time with so many people with different personalities, hear stories that I never could have come up myself, and even share my past experiences.
I am truly blessed to have such a great year and I feel that I'm one of the luckiest human being. I think the highlights of this year is truly meeting my favorite bands especially Bombay Bicycle Club. I'll never forget it. I'll never forget all my lucky encounters that I have on Twitter too.
Also thanks to these people who have truly stucked around with me and made my 2012 worth living for; my family, Andi, Soufi, Ayesha, Ika, Farah, Amirah, Atqh.
Thank you to everyone that I have met along the way, if I've talked to you before, spent time with you before, shared secrets with you before, pretty much everyone who was a part of my life this year. You have been great.
See you strangers.
It has truly been an amazing 2012. And even I thought 2011 couldn't be beaten. I've been through many ups and no downs this year honestly because I think I've been living life properly, the way I would have wanted to. So, I think maybe 2013 will be tougher. Even having that said, there are numerous things I'd like to change about my lifestyle.
I started out the year with beautiful creatures and ending it the same. There are many memories this year that I know I will cherish, that I know I will always remember. I've learnt a lot through the zero drama I had this year is that being happy is important, being appreciative of what you currently have is important and spending the time with your loved ones is important. I've met lovely people along the way this year, from my favorite bands, to avid gig-goers and night aliens online. I've spent time with so many people with different personalities, hear stories that I never could have come up myself, and even share my past experiences.
I am truly blessed to have such a great year and I feel that I'm one of the luckiest human being. I think the highlights of this year is truly meeting my favorite bands especially Bombay Bicycle Club. I'll never forget it. I'll never forget all my lucky encounters that I have on Twitter too.
Also thanks to these people who have truly stucked around with me and made my 2012 worth living for; my family, Andi, Soufi, Ayesha, Ika, Farah, Amirah, Atqh.
Thank you to everyone that I have met along the way, if I've talked to you before, spent time with you before, shared secrets with you before, pretty much everyone who was a part of my life this year. You have been great.
See you strangers.
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Hell-oh, sick people!
I've got to admit that I was pretty lazy to go to Fred Perry's 60th Anniversary simply because the weather was great and because I was tired from running errands on Sunday. EVEN THOUGH IT WAS A FREE EVENT. Although somehow I had it in me to head down to Tanjong Pagar's KTM Railway to catch Citizens! live. It was pretty exciting, I only knew a couple of songs but still psyched to see them perform! Afterall, they toured with TDCC for a bit and that made me want to see how great they were.
Hung out with the best people I could ever imagine, which mostly consisted of those I finally met in real life for the first time, it was awesome. Citizens! were incredible, they literally won my heart instantly and Tom is so motha fucking good looking in real life, I don't understand. Towards the end of the gig, during the last song, Tom started pulling girls up on stage to dance with him and never saw my hand, so I got so disappointed and sad. My friends were like, 'NIDIA, GO, FASTER GO ON STAGE.' And they even took my bag for me so I could go on but I didn't want to self-invite, I wanted them to pull me up because if I went on by myself, that'd be the most awkward thing ever.
But then after a while, Lawrence stopped playing the keys and came to me JUST to pull me up on stage! Or at least that's what he made it seem like because he went back to the keys after hahahaha. It seriously was the sweetest thing ever! I was touched and was so bummed I couldn't say thanks to him after the show. He must've seen how sad I was when Tom didn't bring me up on stage. Hahaha. But anyway, when I was on stage with my friend, Tom came over and danced with me, so I guess that's a statement of apology hahahahaha, kidding. Holy shit, I still can't believe it. The cameraman was filming the whole time I was dancing with Tom and I hope I get to see that footage!!!! ): Because no one seems to have any picture of me when I danced with him. Damn.
After that, I chilled with my friends while it started drizzling but it was a pretty perfect night to just have some fun even for a Sunday night. We left the event at 10pm and while we head out, I noticed Tom and Mike in their van! We approached them and they were so kind! Took pictures with them and I really wished I could've talked to them a little more and also maybe I could've asked about how much fun it was when they toured with TDCC. But ah well, it was still a perfect night as it is. Great company at a great free event with great music and great band, Citizens!
PHOTOS
See you strangers.
I've got to admit that I was pretty lazy to go to Fred Perry's 60th Anniversary simply because the weather was great and because I was tired from running errands on Sunday. EVEN THOUGH IT WAS A FREE EVENT. Although somehow I had it in me to head down to Tanjong Pagar's KTM Railway to catch Citizens! live. It was pretty exciting, I only knew a couple of songs but still psyched to see them perform! Afterall, they toured with TDCC for a bit and that made me want to see how great they were.
Hung out with the best people I could ever imagine, which mostly consisted of those I finally met in real life for the first time, it was awesome. Citizens! were incredible, they literally won my heart instantly and Tom is so motha fucking good looking in real life, I don't understand. Towards the end of the gig, during the last song, Tom started pulling girls up on stage to dance with him and never saw my hand, so I got so disappointed and sad. My friends were like, 'NIDIA, GO, FASTER GO ON STAGE.' And they even took my bag for me so I could go on but I didn't want to self-invite, I wanted them to pull me up because if I went on by myself, that'd be the most awkward thing ever.
But then after a while, Lawrence stopped playing the keys and came to me JUST to pull me up on stage! Or at least that's what he made it seem like because he went back to the keys after hahahaha. It seriously was the sweetest thing ever! I was touched and was so bummed I couldn't say thanks to him after the show. He must've seen how sad I was when Tom didn't bring me up on stage. Hahaha. But anyway, when I was on stage with my friend, Tom came over and danced with me, so I guess that's a statement of apology hahahahaha, kidding. Holy shit, I still can't believe it. The cameraman was filming the whole time I was dancing with Tom and I hope I get to see that footage!!!! ): Because no one seems to have any picture of me when I danced with him. Damn.
After that, I chilled with my friends while it started drizzling but it was a pretty perfect night to just have some fun even for a Sunday night. We left the event at 10pm and while we head out, I noticed Tom and Mike in their van! We approached them and they were so kind! Took pictures with them and I really wished I could've talked to them a little more and also maybe I could've asked about how much fun it was when they toured with TDCC. But ah well, it was still a perfect night as it is. Great company at a great free event with great music and great band, Citizens!
PHOTOS
See you strangers.
Sunday, November 25, 2012
Hell-oh, sick people!
When I went out with my awesome boy, Andi, I had a sudden urge to take film photos so Aqilah was kind enough to let me borrow her film camera for a day! Thanks babe! While Andi was as usual, running late, I headed off to meet Aqilah to get the camera and then went to buy film at Bras Basah.
I wanted to have a café adventure so we went hunt down 3 of them and 2 out of 3 were good. One of them was just plain awkward and uncomfortable so we left..........which made the feeling even weirder hahahahahahaahah okay. But I had lots of fun with him after so long!!!!!!!!! Lol or maybe not that long but still long enough to finally be able to meet him!!!!!!
I went to develop the film photos last Saturday and was finally able to pick 'em up on Sigur Rós day! Despite the huge amount of work that I had, I couldn't give a fuck about it and went to wait in line with my beautiful girls Soufi and Ayesha! I was so excited to be part of something special. To watch Sigur Rós live is indeed a dream come true. I was so keen on watching Hoppípolla and Með Blóðnasir live and it was so beautiful, it made me cry. I sang my heart out to it. It was so beautiful, gah. They were so amazing, it was insanely magical and infinite. Every song Jónsi sang and every song they played was pure insanity. When Georg waved at me, Ayesha and Soufi and when Jónsi looked at us and smiled, it was just gah, I don't know how to explain the feeling. It felt so surreal just being there to witness it live. And the best moment was during their encore when it started raining. It rained at the perfect moment with the most perfect encore set. The rain just made everything even better. Who wouldn't want to watch them play their songs live in the rain? It was as though Jónsi was controlling the weather with the purity and beauty of his voice because when they left the stage, the rain immediately stopped. It was the most perfect night anyone could ever ask for and the most breath-taking experience that I have ever had and will never forget.
That is all. It just made me motivated to do my work the next day, ha-ha. I couldn't have enjoyed the night as much as I did with my beautiful girls!
Follow me on INSTAGRAM alright!!!!!!! And enjoy the pictures!
FILM
SIGUR RÓS
See you strangers.
When I went out with my awesome boy, Andi, I had a sudden urge to take film photos so Aqilah was kind enough to let me borrow her film camera for a day! Thanks babe! While Andi was as usual, running late, I headed off to meet Aqilah to get the camera and then went to buy film at Bras Basah.
I wanted to have a café adventure so we went hunt down 3 of them and 2 out of 3 were good. One of them was just plain awkward and uncomfortable so we left..........which made the feeling even weirder hahahahahahaahah okay. But I had lots of fun with him after so long!!!!!!!!! Lol or maybe not that long but still long enough to finally be able to meet him!!!!!!
I went to develop the film photos last Saturday and was finally able to pick 'em up on Sigur Rós day! Despite the huge amount of work that I had, I couldn't give a fuck about it and went to wait in line with my beautiful girls Soufi and Ayesha! I was so excited to be part of something special. To watch Sigur Rós live is indeed a dream come true. I was so keen on watching Hoppípolla and Með Blóðnasir live and it was so beautiful, it made me cry. I sang my heart out to it. It was so beautiful, gah. They were so amazing, it was insanely magical and infinite. Every song Jónsi sang and every song they played was pure insanity. When Georg waved at me, Ayesha and Soufi and when Jónsi looked at us and smiled, it was just gah, I don't know how to explain the feeling. It felt so surreal just being there to witness it live. And the best moment was during their encore when it started raining. It rained at the perfect moment with the most perfect encore set. The rain just made everything even better. Who wouldn't want to watch them play their songs live in the rain? It was as though Jónsi was controlling the weather with the purity and beauty of his voice because when they left the stage, the rain immediately stopped. It was the most perfect night anyone could ever ask for and the most breath-taking experience that I have ever had and will never forget.
That is all. It just made me motivated to do my work the next day, ha-ha. I couldn't have enjoyed the night as much as I did with my beautiful girls!
Follow me on INSTAGRAM alright!!!!!!! And enjoy the pictures!
FILM
SIGUR RÓS
See you strangers.
